I want to share something with you all that I just found on my computer that I had written when Jovi was about 5 months old. She was going through a sleep regression, I was seriously exhausted and was still adjusting to being a new mom. I think I didn't share this because I was a little embarrassed that I was feeling this way. I am in a completely different place now and I embrace motherhood, being tired and a new lifestyle whole heartedly and I wouldn't trade it for anything in the world. Of course, it's not always easy but IT IS WORTH IT. I just want you to know if you are feeling a little depressed while adjusting to motherhood that you are NOT alone. Keep on keeping on and I promise it will get better! If you can relate with the below leave a comment! I would love to hear from you!
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I'm going to take a second and be completely honest here. I'm starting to realize in these last five months that I'm not the same old me. My husband and I went on a date the other night to the movies and it's the most fun I've had in a long time. It felt like the old us. We laughed so hard I was crying. In that moment, I realized how much I missed that person who was laughing hysterically with her husband without a care in the world. Once upon a time I was so carefree, fun, adventurous, confident and put together all the time. My dirty hair, un-manicured nails, the ten pounds of baby weight I’ve yet to lose, and the lack of sleep are all subtle reminders that I have fallen so far from the girl my husband fell in love with. Now I sit here and wonder-will I ever be more than a mom ever again?
My nights are long leaving me so tired every day. I survive off coffee. I’m constantly stressed. I can't shower when I want to, I can't work out and blow off steam when I want to, I can't get in the car without being stressed because there’s a baby crying in the backseat, I can't go out to eat and enjoy my food, I can't even enjoy my food at home and I can’t go and hang out with my girlfriends and enjoy wine nights like I used to. I don't think I'll ever be able to fully relax again. I'm constantly worried about how long it's been in between feedings and if my milk supply is going to be enough for her. Recently I've had to start supplementing with formula to make sure she is getting enough and I feel so guilty about it. When I finally get her down for a nap I worry about the dog barking at anything she sees outside and waking her up. I tip toe around like a crazy person and don't even flush the toilet because I need that hour of peace and I desperately need her to sleep so she's not fussy when she's awake. I try my hardest to be a great housewife and have the house cleaned, dinner ready and the laundry done for my husband when he gets home. Then when he does get home more than likely there's clothes sitting in the washer that I've already washed twice because I forgot to put them in the dryer, I throw a frozen pizza in the oven and I'm looking less than my best in some old pjs. When it's time to put the baby to sleep for the night you'd think we would finally get some time to enjoy each other and watch our shows but I'm so tired I barely last 30 min before I fall asleep on the couch. I wonder if my husband understands how hard this job really is and appreciates everything I'm doing? I’m starting to envy him and his freedom. He can go to the gym when he wants and he can think about work and other things besides our baby. Some days I just desperately want to hang out with him but he works so much to provide for us I sometimes feel like I’m doing this alone. Because remember when I said I used to be confident? Motherhood has completely consumed me and taken over my self-esteem. Now I feel like I need to be reminded all the time that I’m doing a good job. I am completely lost in motherhood.
Starting now I’m making a promise to myself. I’m not promising to be the perfect housewife. I’m not promising to never get frustrated or insecure. I’m making a promise to myself to go looking for that girl that I used to be. I am not going to find her by going backwards because my life has changed so much. The past is in the past and my life is full of new wonderful experiences like being a wife and mother. I’m going to be looking forward, for the woman (not the girl) that is enough for herself, for her husband and for her baby. The woman that is doing an amazing job.
Today you turn one.
It seems like yesterday that I was wishing for you when I blew out my 26th birthday candles. I found out I was pregnant a couple months later and I’ll never forget how overwhelmed with emotions I was when I saw the positive sign on the pregnancy test. I literally collapsed to the bathroom floor and started sobbing. Happy tears of course. I wanted to tell your daddy in person, but he was at work, so I impatiently waited ALL day for him to get home. When I heard him about to walk in the door I put a sign around Harleys neck that read, “Mama’s pregnant! You are going to be a Dad!” He was in shock and was SO excited! He picked me up and spun me around and we couldn’t wait for what was to come.
Your daddy was born to be a Dad. He never missed a single doctor’s appointment all throughout my pregnancy. I remember our very first appointment. We had no idea what we were in for and then the doctor placed the monitor on my belly and we heard your heart beat for the very first time. She said she wished she had been recording us because tears flooded down both our faces. I’m crying just writing this because I remember thinking I already loved you so much, but little did I know how much more I was going to love you and continue to love you everyday.
At 7:09 pm on March 25, 2017 you were born and immediately placed on my chest. Your daddy was cuddled next to us and uncontrollable tears streamed down our faces as we stared at you in awe. God is so good. You were heaven sent. All 6 pounds 11 oz. and 19 inches of you were perfect. Your head full of dark hair was perfect. Your cry was perfect. Your tiny hands and feet were perfect. The angel kisses on your eyelids were perfect. Everything about you was perfect and I am eternally grateful.
I admit, I felt like I had no idea what I was doing once you were here and I had no idea what being a mother really meant. Jeez, how things have changed. The first night in the hospital I was exhausted from labor. Your daddy stayed up all night rocking you, changing you and laying you on my chest to nurse. I was so scared to leave the hospital because I didn’t want to make any mistakes.
This year has been the best, the hardest and fastest year of my life. In a way, we have both grown together this year. You have learned SO much and so have I. You would change, and I would google what to do next and, in many ways, you taught me more than I taught you.
And here you are, a one year old- our thriving, smiling, smart beautiful baby girl. You are bigger than life and we love you more than life.
You are sunshine mixed with a little hurricane. You have been smiling since the womb. I’m not kidding! When we had our 4D ultra sound you we caught you smiling! You love waving and you say in the cutest, sweetest voice, “hiiiiiii.” When you hear laughing, you laugh. There’s nothing in the world I love more than your giggles. You eat anything and everything I put in front of you. Daddy calls you the garbage disposal.
For the past year you’ve been my biggest worry (sorry mom, I get it now) and my biggest joy. We’ve spent almost every day together; laughing, dancing, singing and strolling the aisles of target. When I think of life before you, it feels like something was missing, as if it wasn’t complete yet. You made me complete. I am proud of many things in life but NOTHING beats being your mama. You bring unspeakable happiness to my heart.
My daughter, my future best friend I wish you the happiest birthday and I’ll continue to do backflips everyday just to see you smile.
Always and forever,
FOREVER IS OURS
I can't thank you enough for capturing these photos.
They are so special to me!
We just got back from our trip to Mexico and my inbox was going off with so many questions about where we stayed and what we did! So many of you seem to be headed to this paradise soon and wanted to details on our trip so I thought I would answer all of those questions here!
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We stayed at the Grand Oasis Cancun! It's in the heart of all the hotels on the main strip of Cancun. It's an all inclusive resort!
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A lot of you thought we stayed in Tulum but we just spent one day of our trip there (about an hour and a half drive) because I loved our visit so much last time. We hung out at the La Zebra hotel beach and explored the most insta worthy little town ever. If you go- you must eat at Hartwood or Gitano and enjoy a fresh squeezed juice! Also, bring your yoga pants because you have to take a yoga class over looking the water! Near Tulum is the Dos Ojos and Gran Cenote that we also went to last time we visited and THEY ARE INCREDIBLE!!!! Below are some photos from our day in Tulum!
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Ok, now I'll share more about all the fun adventures we had while staying in Cancun!
We booked an EXCARET tour called EXNOTES that takes you to 5 different cenotes with a tour guide and each cenote had something different. We propelled into the first one, we zip lined into one, we went down a water slide into another and even kayaked through one- it was so awesome! They have a photographer during the tour that documents all the fun and that's how we got all the below photos!
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My favorite night we spent in Mexico was when we went to see theCirque De Soleil show called Joya!
I've seen a good amount or Cirque shows and NOTHING compares to this one! From the moment you enter to the moment you leave it is such an amazing experience. The food was DELICIOUS and the show was UNREAL. Each act got better and better! We seriously couldn't believe how much talent was in this one show! It was worth every penny!
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This print is sold out but this set comes in solid black and pink linked below!
Our favorite day of this trip was the day we went on a tour to Isla Mujeres! It was supposed to be a whale shark tour but since it was not their season it was a snorkel tour that stopped at two snorkel spots and a stop for a lunch buffet at a beach bar! The last stop of the day was at an EPIC white sand beach with turquoise blue water! It was seriously beautiful. Next time we go to Mexico we want to stay at a resort on this island!
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We had one late night out when we went to the famous COCOBONGO in downtown Cancun. I didn't really know what we were getting ourselves into but it ended up being really fun! It's basically a night club that puts on a HUGE production! The actors, dancers, and trapeze artists all reenact like every well known musical and music video you could ever imagine and they do it SO WELL. It was super entertaining! If this is something you want to do I recommend you wait to buy your tickets from one of the salesmen out-front and talk them down in price. They originally wanted $80 dollars but we got them down to $50 including open bar.
I hope you enjoyed this post! If you are heading to Mexico soon I wish you the best vacay ever!
Life's greatest blessing. A group that dreams, laughs, plays and loves together. Those whom you can always count on. Always present not only in the good times. The MOST precious gift.
I cannot believe we are getting ready to wrap up 2017! Is it weird that I'm sad this year is ending because my baby was born this year!? I don't want to face the fact that in just a few short months we will be celebrating her first birthday! This has been the best as well as the most life changing year of my life. Adjusting to being a new mom, having a new baby and a new lifestyle was harder than I could have ever expected and is not as easy as cute Instagram photos portray. Being young and the first of your friends to have a baby can leave you feeling lonely and like you have no one to relate to. It took a lot of tears and sleepless nights but I think I've finally gotten over the hump of exhaustion, I have the confidence to take on any new situations motherhood throws at me and most of all I wholeheartedly understand the definition of selfless love. I'm beyond grateful for a husband who is so hands on with his baby girl and works so hard to provide for us. I don't know what I'd do without Patrick's positive attitude, comic relief and him reminding me that I'm doing a good job at this mom gig. Going into the New Year I want to always remind myself to never take anything for granted, to try and always be present and to love like crazy.
I really want to thank you for following along on my journey through motherhood. I really have loved using social media to document life's precious moments and being able to connect with other moms has been such a blessing!
Wishing you all the happiest New Year!
This post is long over due (Mom life) but I'm so excited to share with you our photos from our stay at the Hyatt Maui.
This resort is seriously what dreams are made of! The Hyatt has everything you could ever want and more! The second you enter the lobby you are taken back because it is so beautiful and you are even greeted by amazing animals including birds, fish and PENGUINS! Yes, Penguins! They are from South Africa and have a beautiful habitat set up. Every morning you can watch the penguins enjoy their breakfast fed to them by the animal trainers. They are so cute you will want to take one home with you! The pool is unreal. It is just feet away from the sand and ocean! There are waterfalls, caves, swim up bars, cabanas and the yummiest food! There are two sections to the pool so on one end you can be enjoying a relaxing honeymoon but on the other side of the pool your kiddos will be in kiddie pool heaven. The kid pool has water slides, a draw bridge, toy dolphins and turtles in the shallow end and unlimited fun! The rooms are super nice and all of the staff at the Hyatt is SO friendly and made us feel so welcome! There are multiple restaurants on the property so you really never have to leave the resort! I have to mention the shaved ice on the property. It was delicious! The ice is shaved so thin and you have to add a scoop of ice cream to it! My mouth is watering just thinking about it! We attended the The Drums of The Pacific Luau at the resort which is known as the BEST Luau on all of Maui. The food was incredible and so was the entertainment. You guys, I genuinely have zero complaints. You can't go wrong if you decide to travel here. It is romantic, family friendly and one of the best vacations I've ever been on!
Welcome to my life as a wife and soon- to-be mama!